2021: Maturity

ADDED: 19.07.2021

CONTENT: Vents, work in progress

A vent post I wrote when I wasn't feeling like I was caught up to where I needed to be in life. Written at a time when I was struggling with assignments.

In a nutshell, this post's really just about me moping on about how I don't think I'm ready for the real world. It wasn't until senior year in high school that I finally realised something was off about me compared to the rest of my cohort. It's basically that I hadn't matured fast enough and it's probably taking too long, too. I know I've existed normally with time and I've learned from some of my experiences, but I still feel like I haven't changed from who I was since, say, 2015. 

I've been told I'm likely just a late bloomer, that life isn't a competition, n' stuff like that. Yeah, those statements are true, but there are times where I feel like my brain just has to catch up to my chronological age, and fast. I'm now a student at university, and I'm just getting into thinking about finally earning money, but I'm not sure if I've prepared myself with the skills I need for stuff like those n' all. 

I can't read very easily. Not that I can't read words, but it's more like I can't decypher long, big-worded sentences, and especially if they're buried in big paragraphs full of even more long, big-worded sentences. It's not that I've got a learning disability or anything - it's just that I don't think I've prepared myself with the right skills at the same time as the rest of my peers, growing up. In other words, I feel like decyphering long, big-worded sentences is just a skill that I never really developed back in school, otherwise I should've gotten used to it by now. I mean, I can only recall ever finishing 1-2 books throughout high school. 

Focusing's also something I've got trouble with. It's also one of the reasons just sitting down and reading's something I can't get myself to do. I have described myself as having "the attention span of a 7th grader," multiple times before. I've even said to myself jokingly, "chronological age: 19, physical age: 16, mental age: 13".  That's kinda just how I see myself. I guess that, paired with some of my underdeveloped skills.

Thinking of it now, I really should have asked for help back then, especially when it came to my study habits. But if anything, I would've been too shy to ask, or been too afraid of rejection because the only other possible thing to blame woulda been my irresponsibility. (Although, it would've been responsible to ask for help. But still, it's also irresponsible to not just try sit down and read. I dunno what woulda been right.)